The Bratticus Catticus does not respond to his given name, Oliver or Ollie…he doesn’t really respond to anything other than the sound of treats rustling in their package, or the sound of his bowl being removed from the cupboard for his weekly ration of soft food. He is not a brand of fuzzy monster I would recommend to someone with an inferiority complex or depression.
Note how he sits with his back to me as I'm trying to take his picture...Bratticus Catticus has some sort of cloaking device that he uses frequently. I see him a few times a day and then he disappears in the evening, only to return at night to hover 3 inches from my face while i'm sleeping. Needless to say…he’s kinda creepy…
Imagine seeing this in your face at 3 A.M...He is also responsible for the fuzzy ring around the inside of my toilet. I think he believes I'm adding a contaminant to his water dish so he drinks from the porcelain spring. It's very odd to see half a cat sticking out of your toilet in the middle of the night, and you can’t help but to feel as if you've interrupted something private when he looks out over the rim at you with a scowl...so you slowly back out, and shut the door waiting for him to finish...
He has an interesting reaction when combined with a special green herb purchased at a local monster store. Reactions include dilated pupils, agitation, tormenting Killer Dachshund Monster and chasing his handlers feet around the living room. Due to the reclusive and normally secretive nature of this monster, not much more is known about him.
The Killer Dachshund Monster is incredibly dangerous because he appears to be cute and cuddly. Gazing into the Killer Dachshund Monsters deep brown eyes will give him complete mind control over you and can result in hours of fetch, a house full of squeaky toys, or redistribution of your lunch/dinner.
The Killer Dachshund Monster also exudes a skin irritant from his mouth. He is known to attack the face with toxic slobber. If attacked, it is recommended that you immediately practice first aid and wash face thoroughly with hot water and soap followed by an antiseptic rinse.
We suggest that you avoid listening to the high pitched whining noise emitted from our Killer Dachshund Monster as this may cause temporary paralysis. Once paralysis has been achieved and human victim is rendered into an immobile heap on the ground, the Killer Dachshund Monster will immediately transform into the terrible Mississippi Leg Hound. For this, there is no known cure.
On occasion, we decide to brave the outside world with our Killer Dachshund Monster and we take him on a car ride. As responsible handlers, we always remember to lock the windows in the car. The Killer Dachshund Monster learned at a young age, how to roll down the windows to make his escape. Fortunately, he did not make it far and we were able to recapture him. Introducing him into the wild would be incredibly irresponsible on our part.
Oddly enough, Bratticus Catticus and the Killer Dachshund Monster get along splendidly despite their numerous differences.
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